A Twisted Christmas Story

IMG_20160211_180207-0Christmas:   A wonderful, joyous time of celebrating time with family and friends to be thankful for the birth of Jesus that paved the way for salvation for all men.

This Christmas, I was blessed to have my sister and her boyfriend join our family for a time of fellowship and gift exchanging.  She and he were down from December 16 – 21.  What a blessing she is to me:  Funny, adorable, sweet, good heart, wanting to put a smile on people’s faces.  She and her boyfriend drove home last night and I miss her a lot.   Like a stupid amount.   It might sound silly, but no matter how often we disagreed or bickered when we were younger… She will always be my sister who I care about deeply.  To know she was going to leave back to another Province, hurt, to say the least.  (More than I expected it to.)

As I was walking the lanes of Walmart Sunday Night to finish up some Christmas shopping and purchase baking supplies, she texted me saying she was leaving that night and was on her way to visit our parents before saying “goodbye” to Saint John.  I thought about how much I enjoyed her company during her time here and how much she has grown since I’ve seen her last.  She has nott had it easy while away in another province.  Counting happenings she’s experienced, I could not imagine the pain, shame and horror she much have felt.  My heart reaches out to her constantly and I pray for her safety often.  As I was walking in the department store, I felt tears well up in my eyes and I had to stop thinking about her… I did not want to start crying in the Storage Container Aisle.
If you know me at all, you know that I am not an overly emotional person.  It takes something quite dear to my heart to have me cry.  This type of emotion that came over me at Wal-Mart was one of just sadness and longing to see her again.  I felt a lump in my throat and I felt like I had someone pulling down the sides of my mouth to form a permanent “sad face emoji”.  I wanted to be away from everyone, to have my moment alone.  I did not want to be consoled or confronted about my facial expression. It came over me, and was hard to control, but I managed, as I tend to do.

Last time I remember the same emotion, was not long after I left home and was crying in my new room because I thought something terrible would happen to my sisters now that I was gone. At that moment, I felt like my sisters needed my protection and guidance.  (I will always feel responsible for them, no matter how old we are.)  The person I was staying with entered into my room to check up on me and she saw me sobbing.  I thank her for her compassion and tenderness.  She helped me at a time that I needed someone.

That being said, my sisters did not have it easy after I left as my dad took his anger and frustration out on them.  They both ran away from home separately following my departure.  I commend them both… for handling situations no one should ever have to go through, the way that they did.  As young girls, they stood by me and I was there to understand painful, uneasy and tense situations to know when to take them away to play or to defend them in times of trouble.  I knew that the less they saw or understood about what was really going on, the better.  I sometimes feel like I still hold true to those characteristics:  I would rather handle a tough situation myself than see others hurt around me if it means their happiness.

I hope to see her again soon.

– Justine